This is good fun. First paragraphs:

Hello, and welcome to Mars South-West Tonight. I have with me in the studio one of the planet's most distinguished nerds, Groink, and I'm going to be asking him all about Earth. Groink, just how close is Earth to us at the moment?"

"Good evening, Kerpow. Lovely to be with you. Earth is currently a mere 26 million eeks away, which is the closest it has been for 60,000 Earth years – which is roughly 150 splatts, if you can imagine such a thing. That means the last time in our history it was so close was just after the Mildly Interesting Occurrences and shortly before the Third Anticlimax."

Read all of it, some of it or none of it, as you please.