Should children keep their privacy? What happens when a doting mother turns her three year old daughter into a global internet celeb? Or a doting father? (You need to scroll down a bit until you get to "Gnat" references.)
The doting mother, in particular, has lots of very sensible and nice-sounding things to say about how to raise a little girl, and it all seems to be going well:
I'm a little obsessed -- too much so -- about her reading development because both Darin and I could read by the time we were three and I've wondered, Is this sort of thing hereditary? Should I be encouraging it? As it is, I don't think I'm pushing her beyond being receptive to her questions about letters and words. We read her books, we gave her foam letters and numbers to play with, we let her see us reading and writing all the time. She's clearly interested in reading. But there are no flash cards, no enforced sessions of teaching her words or anything. When she wants to, she will. Believe me. When Sophia wants something, she's extremely determined.
Great. Lucky little girl to have such a nice and sensible mother. But are there circumstances in an imaginable future when mother will regret having written so freely and so publicly about her daughter? I really hope not, because I find this sort of stuff delightful, and it is infinitely to be preferred to hideous puffery from politicians about how their next national or even global educational initiative is finally going to sort out all of education for everybody.
I'm told that the email discussion groups associated with/spun off from Taking Children Seriously have an ethic embedded in them that you do not publicise the details of your children's lives, because that isn't fair. Alice Bachini evidently has a child/children, but we remain in ignorance of what it/they consist of (how many - which gender - how old etc.), and that is, I'm sure, entirely deliberate.
However, the problem with this anonymity policy is that if you are attempting some new, improved way of raising children, and are also recommending your methods to others, it helps a lot if you can allow yourself to talk in public and in some detail about how exactly it is working out for you.
Personally I think that objecting to parents boasting and chattering about their darling little ones on the internet – how well they (the children) are doing, and how well they (the parents) are doing bring them up – is like objecting to flooding on a flood-plain. It happens. Yes, there will be problems attached to it, just as there are problems attached to women voting, to the lower classes being allowed to switch jobs or switch houses just because they feel like it, or to growing up as the son of Tom Cruise or of the Queen of England. Like it or moan about it, this is what childhood, for many children now, is going to be like, and everybody involved is going to have to get used to it. Which they mostly will. But I'd love to hear other opinions about this.
Everyone has the right to privacy, including small people. When people give personal examples it violates privacy.
People can talk about how things work, with regards to ideas and not have the need to be specific at all about the particular people. It's entirely possible to talk about how things work, without specific information.
People can share ideas without sharing private information. Aren't the ideas what's important?
Sharing ideas about unschooling, or tv's and media could be important and good information. No one need know what time of day someone in another house read Lord Of the Rings and how well they read it, because someone posts a message or blog about how great they thought LoTR to be.
Talking about ideas does not mean that anyone need be or wants to be the "poster child" of said ideas. Good ideas will stand on their own.
Being guilty of this offense (once or twice), I don't find it too intrusive into the lives of my kids. I blogged birthday wishes and a photo of my daughter the other day. She was thrilled that (theoretically) people all over the world would see her picture and know it was her birthday. I enjoy reading about Lilek's daughter and Diane Patterson's kids; the blogging gives us a peek into another family's lives and allows us to nod in agreement: Been there, done that.
OTOH, I am careful not to post anything that would be harmful or embarassing to my kids in the future- no naked baby pictures or potty training stories.
As you, Brian, have pointed out before there are two aspects to this: one legal, the other moral.
Libertarian principles do not prevent you from disclosing private information unless that is that you have contracted not to. Therefore, it is usually very bad news for banks to disclose private information.
The moral basis is quite different. I sort of accept the idea that we should treat children the same as adults. The question is how do we treat adults' privacy? If someone asked me in a polite, non-agressive manner for a friend's name, town, job, interests, age etc I would probably tell them. If they asked me why he got sacked or how many points he had on his license I would probably tell them to ask my friend in person.
If I apply the same sort of rules to children then I don't see why I shouldn't tell people all sorts of things about them - so long as it isn't embarassing.
I think you are right, Patrick. The problem is, parents don't always realise what is and isn't embarrassing or likely to cause embarrassment in the future. But really, common sense *ought* to tell us not to chat on the net about our teenagers' love lives or toddlers' potty training hilarities.
Yes, people *can* tell stories without ever violating privacy, but then again sometimes children are very happy to have their proudest achievements broadcast, and the internet provides a unique opportunity to make this possible.
When it comes to safety, learning safety skills is a much better thing to do than try to exclude dangers on principle, IMO.
I enjoy reading about people;s lives and children. I've been reading Likeks for years (long before his daughter was born.)I don't think there's any sort of exploitation of her...and he clearly adores her.)
I used to read Diane's journal all the time--years ago, and we both were members of an active listserv. I'd lost track of her until I followed your link Brian! This is really an amazing medium: person in Costa Rica reads the blog of a man in the UK and reconnects with someone in the US she used to know! God, I love the Internet!
